The Good, The Bad, The Ugly: Are You Raising Money or Raising Relationships?
Posted by [email protected] on Oct. 18, 2026 / Subscribe 0
Author: Brett A. Mayer, MBA | Vice President of Mission Support at Peter Becker Community 
We’ve all worked in nonprofits or development departments where upper management or senior leadership just doesn’t get it.
A CEO, VP, or Executive Director hires a development professional and says, “Go raise me $5 million.” Or, even better, in the first week asks, “So…how much have you raised?”
Needless to say, if I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard this, I’d probably be able to fund most of these nonprofit campaigns myself!
But here’s the truth: I don’t believe many people wake up one morning and say, “I want to be a fundraiser.”
Our friends and family certainly don’t always understand what we do. They picture us standing on the street with a baseball cap, asking strangers for loose change—or perhaps just looking for a free coffee or lunch with a prospective donor.
But the REAL truth, as those of us in development know, is that fundraising is about relationships.
We are developing relationships with people who care about something—our mission, our patients, our residents, our students, our communities, or the people we serve. We are listening, learning, connecting and, ultimately, helping people find meaningful ways to make a difference.
And relationships can either be aided or hindered by leadership.
The Good
The good happens when senior leadership understands that philanthropy is not a transaction.
They recognize that a donor relationship cannot always be measured by the number of dollars raised this quarter. Sometimes the most important work is a conversation over coffee, an introduction, a tour, a handwritten note, a patient story, or simply listening to what matters to someone.
Great leaders understand that development professionals need time and support to cultivate relationships.
They also understand something else: fundraising cannot belong solely to the development department.
The most successful organizations make philanthropy part of their culture.
- The CEO opens a door.
- The physician shares a patient story.
- The program leader explains the impact of a new initiative.
- A board member makes an introduction.
- A volunteer shares why the mission matters personally.
And the development professional connects all of those pieces. That is when fundraising becomes something much bigger than asking for money.
The Bad
The bad happens when development is viewed as the department that simply “brings in the money.”
- “How much have you raised?”
- “Who are your donors?”
- “Can you get them to give more?”
- “Why hasn’t this prospect made a gift yet?”
Those questions aren’t necessarily wrong. Results matter. But when those questions are asked without understanding the relationship-building process behind them, we miss the bigger picture.
- I’ve seen leaders hesitate to introduce development staff to someone because they are afraid of “using” a relationship.
- I’ve seen people hold tightly to a donor connection because they are worried about what might happen if someone else gets involved.
- And I’ve seen senior leaders who genuinely want to help but simply don’t know how to connect people to the mission.
So let’s ask ourselves:
- How many of us have worked for a CEO who didn’t understand relationship building?
- How many of us have worked with members of a senior leadership or executive team who didn’t know how to connect others to the mission?
I suspect many of us could raise our hands.
The Ugly
The ugly is when we forget that development professionals are different—and that’s okay. We think differently.
We walk into a room and wonder:
- Who should I introduce to whom?
- What do these two people have in common?
- What story would resonate with this person?
- How can I connect this individual to our mission?
- What matters to them?
We aren't just looking for people who can write a check. We are looking for opportunities to create meaningful connections. That is why I’ve started thinking of myself not simply as a fundraiser, but as a relationship raiser.
That shift in language changes the conversation.
From Fundraisers to Relationship Raisers
Think about the stories we tell every day.
- A patient story can connect someone to the work happening inside a healthcare organization.
- A resident's experience can help a prospective donor understand the difference a community makes in someone's life.
- A program participant's story can turn an abstract mission statement into something personal and real.
For example, when we share a patient story from healthcare or connect someone with a colleague who can speak directly to an area of interest, we aren't simply cultivating a prospect. We are creating a connection. And those connections are what make philanthropy possible.
So what would happen if we stopped thinking about making everyone a fundraiser and instead worked to make everyone a relationship raiser?
What if that became part of our organizational culture?
Demonstrate the Way
Development professionals have an opportunity to demonstrate what relationship raising looks like.
- Invite a colleague to a donor meeting.
- Explain why you are making a particular introduction.
- Share the thought process behind a cultivation strategy.
- Celebrate the connection—not just the gift.
- Help your CEO, board members and colleagues understand that they don't need to “ask for money” to be part of philanthropy.
They simply need to be willing to open a door, tell a story, make a connection, or share why the mission matters to them.
That's something everyone can do.
Because at the end of the day, fundraising isn't really about finding someone who will give you $5 million. It's about finding people who believe in your mission—and helping them discover the many ways they can be part of it. And maybe that's the real job of a development professional:
- Not just raising funds.
- Raising relationships.
- And helping everyone else learn how to do the same.
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